How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes August 2017

Big BangArtwork: “Big Bang” by BERT the Artificially Intelligent Philosopher ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to August’s winners who each win a free time travel experience of your choice. Simply redeem your prize at any of the following time travel outlets; 1665 London, 2372 New York or 10,000BC Urals. The winning entries are;

  • ‘Leaning forward in a vehicle does not create additional acceleration when driving uphill. – Attributed to King Zumphrey of Proxima Centuri as provided by Trudy Utterly
  • ‘It is advisable to take a flu jab before invading other planets.’ – by Alien Anonymous as provided by The Phantom Poet
  • ‘Vloggers, trick people into thinking that your video is wacky and exciting by speaking really fast, saying “What’s up” and wiggling your eyebrows a lot.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘A cough; no matter how well timed, will rarely disguise flatulence.’ – By Doctor Philtrum of the Federal Republic of Macronesia as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Thugs, want to perfect that tough guy walk? Simply leave the coat-hanger in your T-shirt and watch as the crowds avoid your menacing demeanour. Grrr!’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Social Media Users, appear popular by liking your own posts.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Six heads are better than two.’ – by Alien Anonymous as provided by The Phantom Poet

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 1st October 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

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How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes June 2017

1000Artwork: “Human Brains” by BERT the Artificially Intelligent Philosopher ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to June’s winners who each win a new-edition limited transparent print of ‘Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about the Universe but were too Afraid to Ask.’ by The Great Zillian Retrofont. The winning entries are;

  • ‘Be yourself – unless of course, you’re a jerk. Then be someone else.’ – By Doctor Philtrum of the Federal Republic of Macronesia as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Next time someone tells you ignorance is bliss. Ignore them. It’s bliss. – Attributed to Adam Atom of The Quantum States as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘Adolescents, avoid aggressive honks and shouting from angry motorists by wearing a set of headphones before stepping out into oncoming traffic. – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Pedestrians, avoid angry confrontations with other pedestrians by facing in the direction that you are walking.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Help litter-pickers stay in employment by dropping your litter on the floor rather than use the bins provided.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Avoid having to memorise silly mnemonics to help you remember things, by memorising those things in the first place. (Tip: Memorise individual notions directly or M.I.N.D. Mary Is Nearly Dead.)’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Don’t let your dreams get in the way of doing what you’ve always wanted to do.’ – by Alien Anonymous as provided by The Phantom Poet

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 5th August 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes April 2017

0100Artwork: “Extra-Terrestrial Beings” by BERT the Artificially Intelligent Philosopher ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to April’s winners who each win free admission to this year’s Galaxy Con on Aldebaran 3. The winning entries are;

  • ‘In case of a close encounter of the third kind, always carry a Bontempi keyboard with you at all times.’ – by Emperor Ping of the Galactic Empire as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Never spit into the wind.–An ancient Andromedan proverb as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Hitting your electronic devices is a form of self-harm.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘If it’s true that you learn from your mistakes, then my advice is to make as many mistakes as possible.’ by Count Ducku of Transgalactica as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘If you find yourself getting old, immediately stop looking in mirrors.’– Adam Atom of The Quantum States as provided by John-Paul Matin

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 6th June 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes February 2017

xrayspecsArtwork: “X-Ray Specs” by The Estrella Moon Workshop ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, Let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to February’s winners who each receive a dozen anti-matter particles, which will be sent immediately to your letterbox. The winning entries are;

  • ‘My mother used to say to me that I should always wear clean underwear just in case I was ever hit by a bus. I since realise, that better advice would have been – always look both ways before crossing a road.’ – by Captain Zap; Space Renegade, as provided by Lynda Di Dopro
  • ‘Don’t second guess yourself! Unless, of course, you decide another decision might be better.–by President Electron of the United States of Andromeda as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Never ask a search engine for advice.’ – Attributed to Captain Polo of the Millennium Pigeon as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Don’t attempt to engage in conversations with people sat in the cubicle next to you.’ Big Hadrion of 12 Eightfold Way, Upsilon Meson, The Cosmos as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘Never, ever, under no circumstances whatsoever, should you ever take anyone’s advice, ever – that’s my advice.’– Attributed to Zug the Unintentional of the Planet Zog as provided by Gibson J Adams

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 1st April 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes December 2016

galacticgentlemensmagazineArtwork: “Galactic Gentlemen’s Companion Magazine” by The Estrella Moon Workshop ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, Let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to December’s winners who each receive two free tickets to this year’s Intergalactic Variety Performance at the Adelphi Theatre on Proxima Centuri b. Please collect your tickets in person at the venue’s box office up to 45 solar minutes before the start of the show. The winning entries are;

  • ‘Alone? Want to meet new and interesting people? Searching for that special someone? Then simply build a spaceship and visit hundreds of other solar systems just like yours, today!’ – by the Astronomical Dating Agency as provided by Lynda Di Dopro
  • ‘Reuse hyperboloid cooling towers to make attractive plant pots. Not only will it make your countryside more appealing, but it will also help save your planet’s atmosphere too!’ – from the Galactic Housekeeper’s Magazine as provided by Miss Jolly Holistics
  • ‘To prevent hangovers, avoid drinking drinks that have alcohol in them.’ – by Doctor Philtrum of the Federal Republic of Macronesia as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Recycle unused warheads to make attractive bird feeders.’ – from the Galactic Housekeeper’s Magazine as provided by Miss Jolly Holistics
  • ‘To ensure the survival of your species, avoid electing idiots as your leaders.’ – Adam Atom of The Quantum States as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘Bring new life into old battleships by using them as attractive planters.’ – from the Galactic Housekeeper’s Magazine as provided by Miss Jolly Holistics

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 4th February 2017

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes October 2016

captaincosmocornflakesArtwork: “Captain Cosmo’s Corn Flakes” by The Estrella Moon Workshop ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, Lets investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to October’s winners who each receive an Alcorian invisibility cloak. The winning entries are;

  • ‘If you want to boldly go where no one has gone before… try the toilets on Starbase Delta 7, they stink! – Number 2 of the Battlestar Colonica as provided by Lynda Di Dopro
  • ‘Inconvenienced by changing your underwear on a daily basis? Save both time, energy and thought by dressing in seven pairs of socks and pants on a Sunday night, and then simply peeling one layer off at the end of each night until Saturday. Not only do you save valuable time, but your wash basket and underwear draw hinges get used less.’ – Captain Smirk of the Starship Improvise as provided by R G Walsh
  • ‘Try not to blow yourself up.’ – Adam Atom of The Quantum States as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘It is common courtesy to pay for the hire of a time machine in advance.’ – The Time Travellers’ Society as provided by The Phantom Poet
  • ‘If unsure of which appendage to shake when greeting a new race, always avoid the middle one.’ – Captain Ray Starbeam of the Starship Astra as provided by J R Hampton

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 2nd December 2016

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes August 2016

HOVER BOOTS EMWArtwork: “Hover Boots” by The Estrella Moon Workshop ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, Lets investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

August’s winning cosmic proverbs are;

  • ‘yIn Hegh bI’reS’ Translated to:‘Life is the beginning of death.’ – Chancellor Gortok of Omega Leonis as provided by Lynda Di Dopro
  • ‘Ring before you ping!’ – Dumpy Rustynut as provided by Rachel Irvin
  • ‘Medicine is the best medicine.’ – Doctor Philtrum of the Federal Republic of Macronesia as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Three heads are better than two.’ – Attributed to Friar Zumphrey the Obstinate of Zeta Herculis as provided by Trudy Utterly

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes June 2016

EMWTELEPATHICHATArtwork: “Telepathic Hat” by The Estrella Moon Workshop ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, Lets investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

  • ‘The greatest races are without finish lines.’ – Princess DeLorean of Regulus Prime as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Try not to eat the animals.’ – Reepurt Higglewipp of Bellatrix 9 as provided by Trudy Utterly
  • ‘Get out and see the solar systems.’ Xanadu Moonhopper as provided by Elvis Detox Devilmonkey
  • ‘You better shut the curtain if you’re not quite certain!’ The Shady Shakers Theatre Company Logo as provided by Rachel Irvin
  • ‘Some moments don’t require a camera.’ Captain Ray Starbeam of the Starship Astra as provided by J R Hampton

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

 

 

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.