How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes June 2017

1000Artwork: “Human Brains” by BERT the Artificially Intelligent Philosopher ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to June’s winners who each win a new-edition limited transparent print of ‘Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about the Universe but were too Afraid to Ask.’ by The Great Zillian Retrofont. The winning entries are;

  • ‘Be yourself – unless of course, you’re a jerk. Then be someone else.’ – By Doctor Philtrum of the Federal Republic of Macronesia as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Next time someone tells you ignorance is bliss. Ignore them. It’s bliss. – Attributed to Adam Atom of The Quantum States as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘Adolescents, avoid aggressive honks and shouting from angry motorists by wearing a set of headphones before stepping out into oncoming traffic. – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Pedestrians, avoid angry confrontations with other pedestrians by facing in the direction that you are walking.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Help litter-pickers stay in employment by dropping your litter on the floor rather than use the bins provided.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Avoid having to memorise silly mnemonics to help you remember things, by memorising those things in the first place. (Tip: Memorise individual notions directly or M.I.N.D. Mary Is Nearly Dead.)’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Don’t let your dreams get in the way of doing what you’ve always wanted to do.’ – by Alien Anonymous as provided by The Phantom Poet

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 5th August 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

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What This Human Ape Looks Like Now Will Leave You Speechless!

HumanlookslikeArtwork: “Age” by The Estrella Moon Workshop ©

“If I stop counting the number of times I revolve around the sun, will I still be eligible for my pension.”  – FAQ, Galactic Retirement Agency

Approximately two hundred thousand years ago, a grunting ape sat under the canopy of the celestial night sky and opened its eyes for the first time. Grasping two medium sized rocks… it began to bang them together.

This was the beginning of the modern Earth ape.

From that point onward the apes developed more and more sophisticated conceptions such as the wheel, the spear, metallurgy and farming.

They awoke to the great dawn of civilisation, yawned, stretched and then began to contemplate their own existence and the world in which they found themselves.

Science, politics, engineering and philosophy developed within their bony skulls and together they rapidly began to ascend the ladder of evolution.

The wheel of the ape’s development was now set in motion. The automobile, sliced bread, liberty, HD TV, the Bunsen burner, rocket ships, pocket calculators, particle accelerators, vaccines, refrigerators, democracy, pizza, sun-cream, the electric guitar, windmills, treadmills, chess, light bulbs, equality, emojis, toothpaste, fibre-optic broadband, Low fat yoghurt, human rights legislation, quantum mechanics, conservation and satellite navigation.

So what’s next? What unimaginable concept is the human race about to discover?

By looking through the planetary internet, a clue to the next level of enlightenment appears – the humans are about to grasp the concept of ageing.

Every day, links to important stories alerting people to the fact that a once well-known celebrity has changed in appearance from how they looked 20 to 30 years ago are hurriedly sent out to the public.

The journalist, honourably fights daily to make sure the human population is aware of this mind-boggling and stunning news and scamper to send this important information out to the masses. And there are hundreds, if not thousands, of celebrities that have aged since 20 years ago.

Unbeknownst to most of the planet, there are even images of celebrities from 30 years ago who have aged by a remarkable 30 years since!

However, the authors of these stories are quick to warn the readers of the shocking images they are about to witness, to lessen the distress.

Once witnessing these astounding images, the ape’s mind will no doubt slowly begin the put the pieces together.

Have you ever wondered where all of the old people come from?

Not only the revelation that these people were actually once younger, the apes will now slowly join the dots and realise to their horror, that this ‘ageing’ thing is going to happen (and has indeed already been happening) to them.

It will explain the reason why their faces have slowly began to wrinkle like an old peach. The greying of the hair. The drooping of the skin. It will all begin to make sense.

If the human apes can survive past this next discovery, if they can persevere and come to accept this new fandangled “ageing” thing and If the fabric of their society can hold together in these new enlightening times, then who knows what the race may accomplish?

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

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