How to Get Rid of Ants and Influence People

Artwork: “How to Get Rid of Ants” by The PPC Spectrophonic Studio ©

“Only the alivest will survive.”  – Dr Dwarbin Charlsitble

On one sunny morning, Galfrunk Zinkel, a young Altairian boy, was sat on the backdoor step watching ants.

He became engrossed with their scurrying back and forth, disappearing down the cracks of the paving stones and busily carrying leafs, twigs and bits of dirt about.

He’d sometimes single out one ant and follow it to discover where it would go. Was there a specific task for this particular ant? He thought. Was it on a reconnaissance mission? Sent out for supplies, perhaps? Was it an important ant, picked by the others for a special assignment or was it merely a common worker?

As the hot Altairian sun blazed down upon the concrete slabs, he studied them intently.

At first, he thought he’d located the area in which the ants were ascending from. However, it soon became clear that there were many different entrances and exits spreading far across the garden patio.

As the dripping ice-cream, which run down his six fingers, fell from his hand and splattered in one mighty dollop by the side of the step, he became alarmed to witness a whole army of ants quickly pounce upon the sweet creamy bounty and pillage the sprinkles.

Somehow he hadn’t noticed how close they had got. They were on his shoes, scuttling all around him. He even found some hiding under his bum!

What if they get into the house? He pondered.

What happened next… totally shocked the young Galfrunk Zinkel.

Of course, he’d seen the tiny ants, constructing small mounds of dirt, presumably brought up from under the paving slabs. What he hadn’t noticed, what had totally escaped his young inquisitive mind, was the complex highways, agricultural areas, miniature cities and radio towers that had popped up.

Should he get his mum? She’d know what to do. The situation was quickly escalating beyond his control.

He flapped his hand out wildly, as a small swarm of flying ants whizzed inches past his nose. What’s more, he could even make out one of them grinning back behind the controls of the tiny helicopter!

The dreadful possibility that these ants could muster a full-on assault and invade the house was now becoming a very real probability.

Maybe one of the ‘special assignment’ ants had found a way into the kitchen. The sweets and cakes would go first, he was sure of it. The ant had probably brought back exact plans on how to reach the second cupboard down from the right.

Galfrunk tried to speak, tried to call out to his mum… but he was frozen, dumbstruck by the rapid turn of events.

A small explosion just left from the clay plant pot was quickly followed by a deafening ping from behind a broken wooden peg. Galfrunk ducked and dived as a succession of a hundred or more missiles zoomed through the air and… came crashing down upon the minute ant cities and infrastructure.

Through the hazy scene, he could make out what seemed to be thousands of ants carrying the sick and injured back down into the smoking cracks.

Should he help? It was impossible… he couldn’t tell one ant from the next and had no idea why they had become so intent on killing each other.

And then it happened. From one corner of the garden to the next, a series of small nuclear warheads fell and detonated upon the landscape – the ants were no-more.

All except that is… one tiny ant that had remained trapped inside of Galfrunk’s sticky fingers.

Today, Galfrunk Zinkel is a prominent diplomat for the Galactic Confederation of Planets.

As part of my role in the scientific observation of Earthlings, I regularly bump into him during conferences at local space-stations and discuss the Earth ape’s progress. He is fascinated by my reports of Earth’s cities, complex highways, agricultural areas, helicopters and radio towers.

He is very interested to learn that Earth also has ants.

Until next time. Keep evolving!