Take Me to Your Leader! (Wait, on second thoughts…)

tmtylArtwork: “Take Me to Your Leader!” by The PPC Spectrophonic Studio ©

“On Earth, common sense is an oxymoron.”  – Emperor Ovaltine

Let’s face it, Earthlings are notoriously bad at selecting their leaders.

Since the turn of the 21st century, Earth has had several opportunities to take steps into the galactic community.

On one such occasion, Golumbus the Unready, an eminent ambassador from Procyon 2, visited the then President of the United States of America (George W Bush) to open discussions for an invitation.

The President, not being educated in galactic race to race conventions, at once swallowed Golumbus, who consequently spent the next few days being passed through the intestinal tract of the President before being finally released.

Golumbus, outraged and deeply offended by this action, subsequently returned to inform his gelatinous race that Earth was off limits!

In more recent times, a delegate of the Pleiades was mistaken for a wasp by Benjamin Netanyahu, a courier from Aldebaran 9 was sat on by Angela Merkal and Vladimir Putin attempted to mate with a missionary from Epsilon Pegasi 8. As for Tony Blair, the Duchess of Sheliak and a spatula … some things are best never mentioned again.

Although, this may not be entirely fair – there have been several instances when Earth has become very close to being accepted into the interstellar society.

Not so long ago, Senator Zirtok and his team opened formal dialogue with one of Earth’s most prominent Presidents. The 72 hour long discussions looked very promising, and an accord was established to integrate Earthlings into the Galactic Federation of Planets. However, at the last minute, it was revealed that the party in question was not in fact a President, but a little known actor by the name of Morgan Freeman. The negotiations were suspended, leaving an extremely apologetic Zirtok to deal with Mr Freeman’s rather irate agent.

Sadly, upon hearing of the recent inauguration of Donald Trump as President, many emissaries of nearby solar systems now refuse to have anything more to do with Earth.

It is not just the misogynistic, racist, homophobic, crass, rude, sexist, arrogant, ignorant, pretentious, feral, pugnacious, cynical, chauvinistic, egotistical, rumbustious, provocative, churlish, deceitful, parochial, xenophobic, bigoted, avaricious, narcissistic and obnoxious characteristics of the elected which the delegates find despicable, but the inconceivable fact that an ape like that could even rise to a position of authority in the first place – which tells the citizens of the galaxy more about the social, economic and cultural inadequacies of the planet rather than of any political inclination.

Maybe, if Earthlings have any hope of progressing to the next stage of advancement in the universe, they should consider building more bridges and less walls.


Until next time, keep evolving!


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