How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes October 2017

bertpoliticsArtwork: “Politics” by BERT the Artificially Intelligent Philosopher ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to October’s winners who each win a 20% off your final bill (Excluding drinks) at any one of the galaxy’s Admiral Atom Burger Bars. Simply quote Poly0201 when booking. The winning entries are;

  • ‘Internet page taking too long to download? Simply do something else instead!’ – by Captain Zap; Space Renegade, as provided by Lynda Di Dopro
  • ‘Time travellers, avoid unnecessary drama in your life by only travelling forwards through time.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘When travelling, hide valuables inside a pot of Pot Noodle to keep them safe.’ – Adam Atom of The Quantum States as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘To tell if a person is romantically interested in you, observe in which direction their antennae are pointing. If towards you, then you are in luck! If away, better luck next time!’ – Attributed to Captain Polo of the Millennium Pigeon as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Don’t have a safe? Place your treasured belongings in a hollowed out copy of Dan Brown’s DaVinci Code to guarantee that no one finds them.’ – Adam Atom of The Quantum States as provided by John-Paul Matin

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 8th December 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

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How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes August 2017

Big BangArtwork: “Big Bang” by BERT the Artificially Intelligent Philosopher ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to August’s winners who each win a free time travel experience of your choice. Simply redeem your prize at any of the following time travel outlets; 1665 London, 2372 New York or 10,000BC Urals. The winning entries are;

  • ‘Leaning forward in a vehicle does not create additional acceleration when driving uphill. – Attributed to King Zumphrey of Proxima Centuri as provided by Trudy Utterly
  • ‘It is advisable to take a flu jab before invading other planets.’ – by Alien Anonymous as provided by The Phantom Poet
  • ‘Vloggers, trick people into thinking that your video is wacky and exciting by speaking really fast, saying “What’s up” and wiggling your eyebrows a lot.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘A cough; no matter how well timed, will rarely disguise flatulence.’ – By Doctor Philtrum of the Federal Republic of Macronesia as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Thugs, want to perfect that tough guy walk? Simply leave the coat-hanger in your T-shirt and watch as the crowds avoid your menacing demeanour. Grrr!’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Social Media Users, appear popular by liking your own posts.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Six heads are better than two.’ – by Alien Anonymous as provided by The Phantom Poet

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 1st October 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

The Retching Death of a Broken Honky-Tonk Piano

Earth Ape MusicArtwork: “Earth Ape Music” by The PPC Spectrophonic Studio ©

“Taste is Subjective. The problem is, is that you have none to begin with.”  – Sir Austin Metro

(Somewhere on planet Earth)

Me: Hey you…wait!

Ape: Who me?

Me: Yes. Yes. (out of breath)

Ape: What’s up?

Me: Excuse me. I don’t usually do this…but

Ape: But what?

Me: It’s just… It’s just that, that music you’re playing right now.

Ape: Yep. What about it?

Me: Well… It’s just that I’ve never heard anything as amazing as that in my entire life!

Ape: Yeh? (dumb smirk)

Me: Yeh! Well, I mean… you must be some awesome musical genius or something. Are you a record producer? I mean… how cool are you?

Ape: Yeh. (false modesty) Well, you know.

Me: I do now! I mean… wow! You just HAVE to give me a copy of that music!

Ape: Sure. It’s some rapper or other.

Me: Thank you so much! I will have to get all of my friends to listen to it… it will change their lives forever – just as you have changed mine. Thank you so, so much!

N.B. THIS NEVER HAPPENS.

Maybe you can now put in your ear phones, close your car windows and turn down your stereos. Nobody wants to hear your s**t music, we all have far better taste than you anyway!

Message delivered.

 

Until next time. Keep evolving!

 

 

Fun Fact: Crap Music on Earth is pronounced with a silent C.

How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes June 2017

1000Artwork: “Human Brains” by BERT the Artificially Intelligent Philosopher ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to June’s winners who each win a new-edition limited transparent print of ‘Everything You Ever Wanted to Know about the Universe but were too Afraid to Ask.’ by The Great Zillian Retrofont. The winning entries are;

  • ‘Be yourself – unless of course, you’re a jerk. Then be someone else.’ – By Doctor Philtrum of the Federal Republic of Macronesia as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Next time someone tells you ignorance is bliss. Ignore them. It’s bliss. – Attributed to Adam Atom of The Quantum States as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘Adolescents, avoid aggressive honks and shouting from angry motorists by wearing a set of headphones before stepping out into oncoming traffic. – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Pedestrians, avoid angry confrontations with other pedestrians by facing in the direction that you are walking.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Help litter-pickers stay in employment by dropping your litter on the floor rather than use the bins provided.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Avoid having to memorise silly mnemonics to help you remember things, by memorising those things in the first place. (Tip: Memorise individual notions directly or M.I.N.D. Mary Is Nearly Dead.)’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Don’t let your dreams get in the way of doing what you’ve always wanted to do.’ – by Alien Anonymous as provided by The Phantom Poet

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 5th August 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

What This Human Ape Looks Like Now Will Leave You Speechless!

HumanlookslikeArtwork: “Age” by The Estrella Moon Workshop ©

“If I stop counting the number of times I revolve around the sun, will I still be eligible for my pension.”  – FAQ, Galactic Retirement Agency

Approximately two hundred thousand years ago, a grunting ape sat under the canopy of the celestial night sky and opened its eyes for the first time. Grasping two medium sized rocks… it began to bang them together.

This was the beginning of the modern Earth ape.

From that point onward the apes developed more and more sophisticated conceptions such as the wheel, the spear, metallurgy and farming.

They awoke to the great dawn of civilisation, yawned, stretched and then began to contemplate their own existence and the world in which they found themselves.

Science, politics, engineering and philosophy developed within their bony skulls and together they rapidly began to ascend the ladder of evolution.

The wheel of the ape’s development was now set in motion. The automobile, sliced bread, liberty, HD TV, the Bunsen burner, rocket ships, pocket calculators, particle accelerators, vaccines, refrigerators, democracy, pizza, sun-cream, the electric guitar, windmills, treadmills, chess, light bulbs, equality, emojis, toothpaste, fibre-optic broadband, Low fat yoghurt, human rights legislation, quantum mechanics, conservation and satellite navigation.

So what’s next? What unimaginable concept is the human race about to discover?

By looking through the planetary internet, a clue to the next level of enlightenment appears – the humans are about to grasp the concept of ageing.

Every day, links to important stories alerting people to the fact that a once well-known celebrity has changed in appearance from how they looked 20 to 30 years ago are hurriedly sent out to the public.

The journalist, honourably fights daily to make sure the human population is aware of this mind-boggling and stunning news and scamper to send this important information out to the masses. And there are hundreds, if not thousands, of celebrities that have aged since 20 years ago.

Unbeknownst to most of the planet, there are even images of celebrities from 30 years ago who have aged by a remarkable 30 years since!

However, the authors of these stories are quick to warn the readers of the shocking images they are about to witness, to lessen the distress.

Once witnessing these astounding images, the ape’s mind will no doubt slowly begin the put the pieces together.

Have you ever wondered where all of the old people come from?

Not only the revelation that these people were actually once younger, the apes will now slowly join the dots and realise to their horror, that this ‘ageing’ thing is going to happen (and has indeed already been happening) to them.

It will explain the reason why their faces have slowly began to wrinkle like an old peach. The greying of the hair. The drooping of the skin. It will all begin to make sense.

If the human apes can survive past this next discovery, if they can persevere and come to accept this new fandangled “ageing” thing and If the fabric of their society can hold together in these new enlightening times, then who knows what the race may accomplish?

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

comparison

How to Get Rid of Ants and Influence People

Galfrunk Cover finalArtwork: “How to Get Rid of Ants” by The PPC Spectrophonic Studio ©

“Only the alivest will survive.”  – Dr Dwarbin Charlsitble

On one sunny morning, Galfrunk Zinkel, a young Altairian boy, was sat on the backdoor step watching ants.

He became engrossed with their scurrying back and forth, disappearing down the cracks of the paving stones and busily carrying leafs, twigs and bits of dirt about.

He’d sometimes single out one ant and follow it to discover where it would go. Was there a specific task for this particular ant? He thought. Was it on a reconnaissance mission? Sent out for supplies, perhaps? Was it an important ant, picked by the others for a special assignment or was it merely a common worker?

As the hot Altairian sun blazed down upon the concrete slabs, he studied them intently.

At first, he thought he’d located the area in which the ants were ascending from. However, it soon became clear that there were many different entrances and exits spreading far across the garden patio.

As the dripping ice-cream, which run down his six fingers, fell from his hand and splattered in one mighty dollop by the side of the step, he became alarmed to witness a whole army of ants quickly pounce upon the sweet creamy bounty and pillage the sprinkles.

Somehow he hadn’t noticed how close they had got. They were on his shoes, scuttling all around him. He even found some hiding under his bum!

What if they get into the house? He pondered.

What happened next… totally shocked the young Galfrunk Zinkel.

Of course, he’d seen the tiny ants, constructing small mounds of dirt, presumably brought up from under the paving slabs. What he hadn’t noticed, what had totally escaped his young inquisitive mind, was the complex highways, agricultural areas, miniature cities and radio towers that had popped up.

Should he get his mum? She’d know what to do. The situation was quickly escalating beyond his control.

He flapped his hand out wildly, as a small swarm of flying ants whizzed inches past his nose. What’s more, he could even make out one of them grinning back behind the controls of the tiny helicopter!

The dreadful possibility that these ants could muster a full-on assault and invade the house was now becoming a very real probability.

Maybe one of the ‘special assignment’ ants had found a way into the kitchen. The sweets and cakes would go first, he was sure of it. The ant had probably brought back exact plans on how to reach the second cupboard down from the right.

Galfrunk tried to speak, tried to call out to his mum… but he was frozen, dumbstruck by the rapid turn of events.

A small explosion just left from the clay plant pot was quickly followed by a deafening ping from behind a broken wooden peg. Galfrunk ducked and dived as a succession of a hundred or more missiles zoomed through the air and… came crashing down upon the minute ant cities and infrastructure.

Through the hazy scene, he could make out what seemed to be thousands of ants carrying the sick and injured back down into the smoking cracks.

Should he help? It was impossible… he couldn’t tell one ant from the next and had no idea why they had become so intent on killing each other.

And then it happened. From one corner of the garden to the next, a series of small nuclear warheads fell and detonated upon the landscape – the ants were no-more.

All except that is… one tiny ant that had remained trapped inside of Galfrunk’s sticky fingers.

Today, Galfrunk Zinkel is a prominent diplomat for the Galactic Confederation of Planets.

As part of my role in the scientific observation of Earthlings, I regularly bump into him during conferences at local space-stations and discuss the Earth ape’s progress. He is fascinated by my reports of Earth’s cities, complex highways, agricultural areas, helicopters and radio towers.

He is very interested to learn that Earth also has ants.

Until next time. Keep evolving!

 

How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes April 2017

0100Artwork: “Extra-Terrestrial Beings” by BERT the Artificially Intelligent Philosopher ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to April’s winners who each win free admission to this year’s Galaxy Con on Aldebaran 3. The winning entries are;

  • ‘In case of a close encounter of the third kind, always carry a Bontempi keyboard with you at all times.’ – by Emperor Ping of the Galactic Empire as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Never spit into the wind.–An ancient Andromedan proverb as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Hitting your electronic devices is a form of self-harm.’ – by Craig the friendly vacuum cleaner of CyberWorld Industries Ltd as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘If it’s true that you learn from your mistakes, then my advice is to make as many mistakes as possible.’ by Count Ducku of Transgalactica as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘If you find yourself getting old, immediately stop looking in mirrors.’– Adam Atom of The Quantum States as provided by John-Paul Matin

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 6th June 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.

 

The Evolution Will Not be Televised

ETTVArtwork: “ETTV” by The PPC Spectrophonic Studio ©

“It’s a human eat human world!”  – The Upsilon Orionis Vitameatavegamin Advertising Company

There’s nothing like that feeling when you get home after a hard day’s work, kick off yours shoes, take off your prosthetic head and let your antennae just ping out.

One of my favourite ways to unwind upon this little planet is to stretch out on the sofa and flick through the terrestrial TV channels.

It is interesting to note, that for a long time, citizens of the galaxy had a very simple view of humans.

As a young girl, I was curious about these strange funny monkeys from far, far away. I have fond memories of Saturday mornings in front of the box, bowl of cereal in hand, watching Extra-Terrestrial TV.

I love Lucy and she loves me, we’re as happy as two can be!”

(Most of the earliest shows were from the United States of America, which goes some way to explain why any aliens that can speak Earthling fluently, do so with an American accent.)

In time, Earthlings generated more interest in the wider cosmic community due to the fact that their comical faces, bizarre hairstyles and primitive mannerisms made them perfect for roles in children’s science fiction shows.

In fact, Invaders from Earth remains one of my all-time favourite movies.

However, if you were to watch one of these shows today, you’d be struck by one slight anomaly. You see, all Earthlings are blue.

As far as any real scientific interest, Earthlings were nothing more than a tiny curiosity for a few biologists and a handful of nerds who enjoyed adding simple lifeforms to their online collections.

One of the first transmissions to reach my race was of the 1936 Olympic Games held in Berlin. For those who were responsible for cataloguing interstellar broadcasts, this was just yet another ping in the galactic pool of fuzziness to hit their antennae that day.

The sketchy black and white broadcasts were quickly logged, filed and categorised. Possibly carbon-based lifeforms. Bipeds with green, pink, blueish skin. Appear to be obsessed with jumping around, running and shouting a lot. No sense of humour, ridiculous facial hair, 99.9% chance of already being extinct.

It was a simple mistake that any bored SETI scientist could make considering the vast amount of alien soap operas that hit their satellite dishes on a daily basis – particularly from those races with blue skin.

On Earth, the propensity for prejudice is evident. For example; the young ones are rude, whilst the old ones are racist, the female ones are vulnerable, and the male ones are superior. Although, recently many apes have begun to evolve past this bone-headed primeval idiocy.

The trouble is, still, the apes have a habit of logging, filing and categorising themselves based upon their own prejudices and these are deeply entrenched in their society.

How strange it is that the fictional shows transmitted by earthlings tend to differ from reality.

The television serials and soap operas appear to have evolved since I was a girl. The female apes are no longer portrayed as subordinate to the male ones. The males can now freely display their sensitivities without ridicule and gender neutral characters are slowly beginning to become represented.

However, in contrast, the daily news broadcasts still show the ugly war-mongering, knuckle-dragging, grunting, territorial and barbaric inanity that many in the cosmic community still relate Earth’s apes with.

A lot has changed since I love Lucy… but there is still some way to go.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

Earthlings Fail to Deliver

DUMBAPEMAILArtwork: “Dumb Ape Mail” by Poly Dandroid ©

 “I’ll believe that when earthlings fly.” – Officer Syco Moff

Arrrgghh!

Okay, let me try this again…

I-will-type-this-really-slowly-so-that-maybe-just-maybe,-the-bone-headed-Earth-Ape-will-be-able-to-join-the-dots.

Fourteen weeks ago, I found a humourous novelty shot glass which was shaped in the form of a female Earth ape. It would make a fantastic gift, I thought.

Ah, but there was a slight problem. The shop that supplied it was 14.3 miles away.

However, imagine how pleased I was to discover that this shop could deliver the glass to my home. All I had to do was simply complete the online order form and hey presto! It’d arrive at my front door in 5 to 6 working days.

Well, after several weeks had passed, I had noticed that the glass still had not arrived. Where could it possibly be?

Luckily, the shop had supplied a contact email address and so I asked the very same question to them. They promptly responded.

Dear Poly,
Many thanks for your enquiry and apologies for the delayed response and glassware. We did ship the glass but as I’ve now run a track on it I can see that it continues to be held at the depot.

I will despatch a new glass plus a couple of extras to make up for the unacceptable delay.

Kind Regards
Bone-headed Earthling

A further 4 weeks had passed and I had become quite accustomed to the disappointment of returning home from work each day to find that the glass was not there.

I decided to email back.

Dear Poly,
Once again, apologies for the delayed response and glassware. We have contacted the depot and you will receive your items within the next few days.

I have added a complimentary gift voucher as an apology for this unacceptable delay.

Kind Regards
Bone-headed Earthling

Several days later, I was overjoyed! I had received an email stating that the glass was to be delivered tomorrow before 5.00pm.

On returning home, I looked around my front porch for the package, but it was nowhere to be seen. But wait! What’s that?

Sorry we missed you.

We tried to deliver to you today but unfortunately no one was there to accept it. Your package has been returned to our depot. Please see overleaf to arrange a re-delivery.

I tried to arrange a re-delivery date online. But wait… they can only deliver the glass on time and days when I am not in. How inconvenient.

However, there is an option to pick it up from the depot. But wait… the nearest depo is 14.3 miles away – which kind of defeats the whole reason of why I had ordered it online to be delivered. (It is difficult for me to get there, plus the cost of trains, taxis and buses far outstrips the £2.49 that the novelty shot glass actually costs, otherwise I would have just gone to the shop in the first place! Argh!!!)

I tried to call them… but their office is closed. But wait… I can phone back during their office hours (Which incidentally are the same working hours as mine, and most others.)

Alternatively, I can call the depo direct… but their office is closed too. I can phone back during their office hours (Which incidentally are the same as mine, and most others.)

So, now I am at work, telephone in hand.

Your call is important to us. Please wait.

I could not.

Finally, I decided to cancel the order. All’s I had to do was phone the company directly.

Your call is important to us. Please wait.

I left the phone on loudspeaker as I continued my daily job. After returning from the toilet, I was met by the sound of a dead line. I had missed the call.

So, now, by the great beard of Zog, in one final plea for my sanity… if by chance you happen to be the dumb ape that I am referring to…

Keep your bloody glass!!!

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth’s Apes February 2017

xrayspecsArtwork: “X-Ray Specs” by The Estrella Moon Workshop ©

As the universe is so unimaginably enormous, it can sometimes feel as though you are not getting the attention that you feel you deserve. So, in the meantime, Let’s investigate how earthlings can bridge that gap, and make friends with the universe.

Congratulations to February’s winners who each receive a dozen anti-matter particles, which will be sent immediately to your letterbox. The winning entries are;

  • ‘My mother used to say to me that I should always wear clean underwear just in case I was ever hit by a bus. I since realise, that better advice would have been – always look both ways before crossing a road.’ – by Captain Zap; Space Renegade, as provided by Lynda Di Dopro
  • ‘Don’t second guess yourself! Unless, of course, you decide another decision might be better.–by President Electron of the United States of Andromeda as provided by Donald Pidory
  • ‘Never ask a search engine for advice.’ – Attributed to Captain Polo of the Millennium Pigeon as provided by Gibson J Adams
  • ‘Don’t attempt to engage in conversations with people sat in the cubicle next to you.’ Big Hadrion of 12 Eightfold Way, Upsilon Meson, The Cosmos as provided by John-Paul Matin
  • ‘Never, ever, under no circumstances whatsoever, should you ever take anyone’s advice, ever – that’s my advice.’– Attributed to Zug the Unintentional of the Planet Zog as provided by Gibson J Adams

 

Do you have any top tips for humanity?

If you have a tip for the Earth Apes, simply email it to me along with your cosmic name & part of the universe from which you reside, and I’ll naturally select the best ones to post at the next round of How to Make Friends with the Universe: Advice for Earth Apes.

Send your cosmic top tips for humanity to polydandroid@hotmail.com in the body of the email.

Submission Guidelines;

  • Try to limit your top tips to one line.
  • Include your cosmic nom-de-plume and part of the Universe in which you reside – along with the name of who should be attributed to providing it.
  • Keep it simple, so that the Earth apes can read it.

 

Next deadline: 1st April 2017

 

Art submissions

Do you have an illustration, painting, photograph or electronic masterpiece that you would like to showcase?

Then why not send it along to polydandroid@hotmail.com for consideration? Jpeg format desirable.

Include your name and any link to your personal website/blog.

A small remuneration will be deposited into your Interstellar account, which will be awaiting you when you finally learn how to leave your little planet and join the rest of the cosmic community.

 

Until next time, keep evolving!

 

*Polydandroid reserves the right to use your contribution in any future publication of this blog. Submission is taken as full acceptance. Copyright remains with the author/artist.